first attempt at positive focusing

i was listening to 'everything goes on' & unexpectedly felt a pang of awe + bliss

listening to ’everything goes on’ & unexpectedly felt a pang of awe + bliss. tried to focus on this (literally, i spent ~5 mins reading about focusing, which made it harder to access the feeling RIP) and i’m not sure if i’m ‘doing it right’ but potential things of note

i am deeply moved by a combination of beautiful images & sound: it was important that i watched the music video, i think, because the video plays in the background of my mind when i hear this song. but it’s not like i really remember the video; it’s more that i remember the colours (the BEAUTIFUL vibrancy that reminds one of Kyoto Animation) & the crispness & the emotional valence of the story

transience & renewal & liminality is really beautiful to me: scenes of loss that are bittersweet / tinged with regeneration (this video, Anohana, Cloud Atlas, Hyouka) are my favourite pieces of media. i also really enjoy sunrises and NYE for similar reasons - you know it’s going to be over, but at least it’s beautiful right now.

this seems like a good thing to lean into because i’m actually very scared of change. like, i now feel confused about why i find transience so aesthetically pleasing despite being so unable to handle it in real life?

things to try

☑️ seek out more media with these vibes (and don't feel bad for consuming it!)
☑️ writing about personal loss from a narrator's point-of-view / imbuing my own experiences with main-character-energy + romance
☑️ find good sunrise places!!!!!!!!!!! how have i not seen a sunrise ONCE here
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